I feel like I have so many thoughts, emotions and feelings floating around in my head right now. I feel grateful, overwhelmed, guilty, frustrated, blessed and happy. How can I feel so many things all at once? Perhaps, I'm not the only one that feels all of these things on a daily basis. Do other people feel the same way?
The past two weeks we have been potty training Owen. Unfortunately, Owen is one that is as happy as can be in diapers. He doesn't care if he is carrying a load of poop around in his pants. I must admit perhaps I pushed him into it. I was sick of buying diapers for 2 kids. I was sick of spending money on diapers that hardly had any in a box and were super expensive. Everyone says boys are older when they potty train but I guess I was sick of talking to my friends (or seeing facebook friends) who have kids Owen's age or younger (by a year) and how their kids were potty trained and had been for months. I guess the kicker for me was when my mom told me my brother was potty training my niece who is over a year younger than Owen and no one wanted to tell me. For some reason that really bothered me that no one wanted me know that she was wanting to be potty trained. I think if they would have just told me I would have been slightly jealous but happy for them. But no. They all wanted to tip toe around me. I was bugged. I guess I have issues. So I decided whether Owen wanted it or not he WAS going to be potty trained. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I guess that is a great talent that I possess.
The first couple days were awful. He would pee or poop his pants and I would find out because I either stepped in a puddle or could smell it. Ewww, gross. He really struggled telling me when he needed to go potty. Sometimes I wish Owen wasn't so stubborn, but it is also something that is endearing and is a core part of who he is. I was also frustrated because he would go for everyone else but me. We had times where we just hung out in the bathroom for half an hour......and nothing. However, luckily for all of us after about 4 days it seemed to click and he is doing fantastic when it comes to peeing in the toilet. However...poop is a whole other story. Usually I know that Owen has pooped his pants when he announces "I'm hiding!"
Yesterday, Owen had poop all in his pants and running down his legs. I put him in the bathtub to take off his clothes and wash him off. It didn't go down the drain. I had to pick it up with my hands and put it in the toilet. Everything had poop on it. It was rancid. I was grossed out, I was gagging and I was mad. I wanted him to understand that this isn't ok and I was not so nice. Do I feel guilty, of course! Do I wish that I acted better and didn't raise my voice. You bet ya. This moment probably is one of my top 5 worst ways to react as a parent. Hopefully things will get better. I'm so grateful that Owen is forgiving and still loves me. I'm grateful that we all get second chances (maybe I should say third, fourth, and so forth chances).
On Monday night (or technically Tuesday morning) Owen woke up throwing up. This is the first time that he has ever been that kind of sick. It broke my heart. Owen is a daddy's boy through and through. It melted my heart when he wanted me and not daddy. Yes, I soaked it in. Tuesday Owen and I watched movies and cuddled all day. Let me repeat this....OWEN CUDDLED WITH ME and liked it. I was in mommy heaven. Yes, my heart ached for my sick little boy but I loved being the one he wanted. Later that night things were back to normal and he was asking for daddy. Hey, I'll take what I can get. So grateful it was only 24 hours- the sickness, not the cuddling.
Now our next hurdle with Owen is to get him to fall asleep by himself. And to not come wake us up in the middle of the night to come lay down with him. For some reason he is scared. Of what, I do not know. We will one day get it that Joe and I spend the whole night in our bed together. But this is for another day and another time.
Kenzie is my sweet little girl but boy does she have some spice! For some reason she has become a picky eater. All she wants is bread. I can usually get a little bit of banana in her and yogurt. I have resorted to making smoothies so that she can have hidden veggies. But that is hit and miss too. It is so hard because she won't eat baby food, but she gags on a lot of other food. Those teeth are just slow coming in. Also the kicker is she refuses to eat from me. If I give the spoon that I am offering her (that she just refused) to Owen and have him feed her, she will gobble it all up. I try to feed her, she refuses and I hand the spoon to Joe and she eats. Maybe she is practicing her independence. She really wants to feed herself but she just can't spoon feed yogurt and frozen smoothies quite yet. We go to the doctor in a week and a half, we'll see what he says.
Sometimes Kenzie bites. Where the heck did she learn that?! One time she bit me and I scolded her. She burst into tears. It broke my heart-until I remembered the bite mark on my leg. She gets Owen in trouble. A LOT. I'm starting to catch on to her. I used to always think Owen did something to her when she would start crying. Not just crying, but major instant tears and a big wail. Until one day I watched what happened. She tried to take something from Owen and he wouldn't let her have it. She came to me mad and crying. How I adore Kenzie, but I need to watch out for her. She already has me wrapped around her fingers. Both my kids do.
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