I feel like I have so many thoughts, emotions and feelings floating around in my head right now. I feel grateful, overwhelmed, guilty, frustrated, blessed and happy. How can I feel so many things all at once? Perhaps, I'm not the only one that feels all of these things on a daily basis. Do other people feel the same way?
The past two weeks we have been potty training Owen. Unfortunately, Owen is one that is as happy as can be in diapers. He doesn't care if he is carrying a load of poop around in his pants. I must admit perhaps I pushed him into it. I was sick of buying diapers for 2 kids. I was sick of spending money on diapers that hardly had any in a box and were super expensive. Everyone says boys are older when they potty train but I guess I was sick of talking to my friends (or seeing facebook friends) who have kids Owen's age or younger (by a year) and how their kids were potty trained and had been for months. I guess the kicker for me was when my mom told me my brother was potty training my niece who is over a year younger than Owen and no one wanted to tell me. For some reason that really bothered me that no one wanted me know that she was wanting to be potty trained. I think if they would have just told me I would have been slightly jealous but happy for them. But no. They all wanted to tip toe around me. I was bugged. I guess I have issues. So I decided whether Owen wanted it or not he WAS going to be potty trained. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I guess that is a great talent that I possess.
The first couple days were awful. He would pee or poop his pants and I would find out because I either stepped in a puddle or could smell it. Ewww, gross. He really struggled telling me when he needed to go potty. Sometimes I wish Owen wasn't so stubborn, but it is also something that is endearing and is a core part of who he is. I was also frustrated because he would go for everyone else but me. We had times where we just hung out in the bathroom for half an hour......and nothing. However, luckily for all of us after about 4 days it seemed to click and he is doing fantastic when it comes to peeing in the toilet. However...poop is a whole other story. Usually I know that Owen has pooped his pants when he announces "I'm hiding!"
Yesterday, Owen had poop all in his pants and running down his legs. I put him in the bathtub to take off his clothes and wash him off. It didn't go down the drain. I had to pick it up with my hands and put it in the toilet. Everything had poop on it. It was rancid. I was grossed out, I was gagging and I was mad. I wanted him to understand that this isn't ok and I was not so nice. Do I feel guilty, of course! Do I wish that I acted better and didn't raise my voice. You bet ya. This moment probably is one of my top 5 worst ways to react as a parent. Hopefully things will get better. I'm so grateful that Owen is forgiving and still loves me. I'm grateful that we all get second chances (maybe I should say third, fourth, and so forth chances).
On Monday night (or technically Tuesday morning) Owen woke up throwing up. This is the first time that he has ever been that kind of sick. It broke my heart. Owen is a daddy's boy through and through. It melted my heart when he wanted me and not daddy. Yes, I soaked it in. Tuesday Owen and I watched movies and cuddled all day. Let me repeat this....OWEN CUDDLED WITH ME and liked it. I was in mommy heaven. Yes, my heart ached for my sick little boy but I loved being the one he wanted. Later that night things were back to normal and he was asking for daddy. Hey, I'll take what I can get. So grateful it was only 24 hours- the sickness, not the cuddling.
Now our next hurdle with Owen is to get him to fall asleep by himself. And to not come wake us up in the middle of the night to come lay down with him. For some reason he is scared. Of what, I do not know. We will one day get it that Joe and I spend the whole night in our bed together. But this is for another day and another time.
Kenzie is my sweet little girl but boy does she have some spice! For some reason she has become a picky eater. All she wants is bread. I can usually get a little bit of banana in her and yogurt. I have resorted to making smoothies so that she can have hidden veggies. But that is hit and miss too. It is so hard because she won't eat baby food, but she gags on a lot of other food. Those teeth are just slow coming in. Also the kicker is she refuses to eat from me. If I give the spoon that I am offering her (that she just refused) to Owen and have him feed her, she will gobble it all up. I try to feed her, she refuses and I hand the spoon to Joe and she eats. Maybe she is practicing her independence. She really wants to feed herself but she just can't spoon feed yogurt and frozen smoothies quite yet. We go to the doctor in a week and a half, we'll see what he says.
Sometimes Kenzie bites. Where the heck did she learn that?! One time she bit me and I scolded her. She burst into tears. It broke my heart-until I remembered the bite mark on my leg. She gets Owen in trouble. A LOT. I'm starting to catch on to her. I used to always think Owen did something to her when she would start crying. Not just crying, but major instant tears and a big wail. Until one day I watched what happened. She tried to take something from Owen and he wouldn't let her have it. She came to me mad and crying. How I adore Kenzie, but I need to watch out for her. She already has me wrapped around her fingers. Both my kids do.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
What a week
Sorry for all that are hoping for pictures from Halloween, you aren't going to get it. I was at work. BOO! But I am grateful for a job that allows me to help provide for my family. On Wednesday on my way to work my car broke down about 3 minutes away from work. I was mad. I was so close and of course it just couldn't make it. I hate being late to work and it always seems that I am running late and have to somehow make up the time. A very nice man came and asked if I was ok and was going to help me get it out of the street. Just then it started up again and I was able to get it to work. Right as I pulled into the parking space it died again. Joe came to my work (which is so out of the way for him) to check it out. It would drive for about 5-10 minutes and then overheat and completely shutdown. I was lucky to have a fantastic charge nurse let me go home early after I finished all my work duties. Joe just waited for me to be done so that we could go get the kids and worry about the car the next day. The next day I had to go back to work to be there when the car was towed. I am so grateful for my friend Courtnee who was a lifesaver and met me at work to play with the kids while I got the car stuff worked out. I picked up Joe from work, took the kids home, fed them and put them down for a nap and then I ran back to my work. What a crazy day! By the end of the next day we found out that it was about 2,000 dollars to repair (if not more, because I feel there were more problems). Joe and I decided that we would cut our losses while we could and say no more to the Subaru. It has been a good car up until this point but it is time to move on.
Joe and I had the overwhelming task to find a new car/suv for me asap. We prayed mightily to find a new car that would be good for our family. One that was affordable, lower mileage and reliable. The whole morning was so frustrating looking for a car and I felt overwhelmed and worried that we wouldn't find one. at about 3:30 we went to a small used car dealership and I had the feeling that we would find our car there. I was impressed with this place because I felt like we had options and it wouldn't have just been settling because we needed something. Joe and I decided to get a 2001 Ford Expedition. I didn't want a car that old but it only had 103,500 miles on it and was in incredible condition. The car only had 1 previous owner and that owner was a mechanic. While driving it, I was so impressed with how smooth of a ride it was, especially for how big it is! The best part is it was a couple thousand below our max price and we even got it $800 lower than their asking price. I am so excited. Maybe I will get pictures. But no guarantee. I feel like because of all of that happening I am exhausted and a new week has already begun.
Joe and I had the overwhelming task to find a new car/suv for me asap. We prayed mightily to find a new car that would be good for our family. One that was affordable, lower mileage and reliable. The whole morning was so frustrating looking for a car and I felt overwhelmed and worried that we wouldn't find one. at about 3:30 we went to a small used car dealership and I had the feeling that we would find our car there. I was impressed with this place because I felt like we had options and it wouldn't have just been settling because we needed something. Joe and I decided to get a 2001 Ford Expedition. I didn't want a car that old but it only had 103,500 miles on it and was in incredible condition. The car only had 1 previous owner and that owner was a mechanic. While driving it, I was so impressed with how smooth of a ride it was, especially for how big it is! The best part is it was a couple thousand below our max price and we even got it $800 lower than their asking price. I am so excited. Maybe I will get pictures. But no guarantee. I feel like because of all of that happening I am exhausted and a new week has already begun.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Update
Well, it has been far too long. You know it has been too long when Joe comments that I haven't updated my blog in a long time. I didn't even realize that he checked if I ever posted!
My last post was right before moving day a little over a month ago. I love being in the new house!!! It is fantastic. However, I guess this shows how slow I am, or overwhelmed or what you want to call it but we still are living in some boxes. To my credit both Joe and I are working full time and it is so hard to unpack with little kids around. We have all been sick and I even got a little vacation time in the land of enchantment. I know, I know...excuses, excuses. Once it looks better I will post pictures. Just know that it is beautiful and if you want to see it you are welcome to come visit!
Owen's 3rd birthday is tomorrow! I cannot believe how time has flown. I still remember going in for the c-section, seeing him and holding him for the first time. Life truly would just be empty without my wonderful children. Owen is such a daddy's boy and Kenzie is a mommy's girl. Because of that I always feel so blessed when Owen will show affection to me and vice versa for Joe and Kenzie. Well today, as I was getting ready for work (I had about 15 minutes before we needed to leave) I heard Owen in his room yelling for me. I went in his room and he had just woke up from his nap. He looked and me and said "I want you to lay down with me". I told him you can get up, it's ok. No, he said, lay down. So I obeyed. It was one of those blissful moments where I thought to myself I have a lot to do and I need to get moving but I'm not missing out on this moment because I was so rushed. I just might have sped a little on my way to work to make up the time. :)
I love my children. I am so blessed. The pictures I am posting are pictures Adrianna has taken. In the move I have no idea where our camera is....but lets be honest I am a horrible picture taker and wouldn't take many anyway. The only sad thing is that I didn't get any pictures of the balloon fiesta when I was in Albuquerque :(
I guess most of these are of Kenzie. Sorry Owen! The one of Owen is so classic. I love that face, especially since that is how I used to smile in pictures.
Hopefully I will get pictures from Owen's birthday and can show his handsome face.
My last post was right before moving day a little over a month ago. I love being in the new house!!! It is fantastic. However, I guess this shows how slow I am, or overwhelmed or what you want to call it but we still are living in some boxes. To my credit both Joe and I are working full time and it is so hard to unpack with little kids around. We have all been sick and I even got a little vacation time in the land of enchantment. I know, I know...excuses, excuses. Once it looks better I will post pictures. Just know that it is beautiful and if you want to see it you are welcome to come visit!
Owen's 3rd birthday is tomorrow! I cannot believe how time has flown. I still remember going in for the c-section, seeing him and holding him for the first time. Life truly would just be empty without my wonderful children. Owen is such a daddy's boy and Kenzie is a mommy's girl. Because of that I always feel so blessed when Owen will show affection to me and vice versa for Joe and Kenzie. Well today, as I was getting ready for work (I had about 15 minutes before we needed to leave) I heard Owen in his room yelling for me. I went in his room and he had just woke up from his nap. He looked and me and said "I want you to lay down with me". I told him you can get up, it's ok. No, he said, lay down. So I obeyed. It was one of those blissful moments where I thought to myself I have a lot to do and I need to get moving but I'm not missing out on this moment because I was so rushed. I just might have sped a little on my way to work to make up the time. :)
I love my children. I am so blessed. The pictures I am posting are pictures Adrianna has taken. In the move I have no idea where our camera is....but lets be honest I am a horrible picture taker and wouldn't take many anyway. The only sad thing is that I didn't get any pictures of the balloon fiesta when I was in Albuquerque :(
I guess most of these are of Kenzie. Sorry Owen! The one of Owen is so classic. I love that face, especially since that is how I used to smile in pictures.
Hopefully I will get pictures from Owen's birthday and can show his handsome face.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Big day
The day has finally come!!! Tomorrow is moving day! I cannot believe that the day has finally arrived (ok not for another couple hours but you know I won’t be on the blog tomorrow). Life has been so busy trying to get everything done. We still have so much to do to finish it all up. I think the kids are so excited to be in a place we can truly call home. We went and did the walk-thru yesterday and they both seemed so happy walking around in the big open space of the house. I will get pictures up when I can.
Today we signed our life away. Before we went to sign all the paperwork I thought that I would have a mild heart attack knowing how much money was being spent, ok more like it, is knowing how much we are putting ourselves in debt. However, when we were in the office signing all the papers, I felt so calm! I know that this is supposed to be our home and that we are doing the right thing. I love getting confirmation like that.
Sorry, so short. I’m so tired…..so much to do. Wish us luck!
Monday, August 5, 2013
More pictures
I wanted to add these pictures to that last post but my computer was being weird.
Kenzie turns one on Wednesday!!! I can't believe it, it feels like yesterday she was born. Time has flown by so fast. We are going to be driving to Yellowstone on her birthday so Joe and I gave her an early birthday present (in the picures it is the little car thing she is on). I need to give props to Joe he picked out the present while I was at work, I shouldn't claim credit, but he did a great job. Owen has struggled with it being hers and not his. Oh growing up. Please excuse our mess in the pictures as you can tell we are getting ready to go camping. My life would feel incomplete without these two amazing kids. I love them so much.
Here are a couple pictures on took on my phone of the house. They were taken a couple weeks ago so I can say the house is completely framed, they have put water in, working on electrical and heating, ventilation and A/C. I am excited, but now this means I have to start packing. There are joys to moving and there are unfortunate things to moving.
The first picture shows that on this side of the house is the garage on the ground level, the next level is the kitchen/dining area and the big open area is where our balcony will be. The third level will be the kids rooms and bathroom.
The second and third pictures show the entry way on ground level, the family room on the second level and the third floor on this side is the master bedroom. We are super excited.
Kenzie turns one on Wednesday!!! I can't believe it, it feels like yesterday she was born. Time has flown by so fast. We are going to be driving to Yellowstone on her birthday so Joe and I gave her an early birthday present (in the picures it is the little car thing she is on). I need to give props to Joe he picked out the present while I was at work, I shouldn't claim credit, but he did a great job. Owen has struggled with it being hers and not his. Oh growing up. Please excuse our mess in the pictures as you can tell we are getting ready to go camping. My life would feel incomplete without these two amazing kids. I love them so much.
Here are a couple pictures on took on my phone of the house. They were taken a couple weeks ago so I can say the house is completely framed, they have put water in, working on electrical and heating, ventilation and A/C. I am excited, but now this means I have to start packing. There are joys to moving and there are unfortunate things to moving.
The first picture shows that on this side of the house is the garage on the ground level, the next level is the kitchen/dining area and the big open area is where our balcony will be. The third level will be the kids rooms and bathroom.
The second and third pictures show the entry way on ground level, the family room on the second level and the third floor on this side is the master bedroom. We are super excited.
Picture overload
I figured I would add some pictures since it has been a long time. Some I took (I took them on my phone, so you will know which ones I took) and others Adrianna took (I stole them from her blog).
Kenzie has a little temper on her. When something happens that she doesn't like it is immediate tears and she does this cute thing where she just kicks her legs when she is mad. It cracks me up.
Owen has two ways to pose: kissy lips, which I DID NOT teach him and his hands in front of his face. It is so cute.
Kenzie has a little temper on her. When something happens that she doesn't like it is immediate tears and she does this cute thing where she just kicks her legs when she is mad. It cracks me up.
Owen has two ways to pose: kissy lips, which I DID NOT teach him and his hands in front of his face. It is so cute.
Monday, July 15, 2013
In mourning
Okay, I must admit that title is very melodramatic compared to what I am in mourning about.
In my previous post I talked about Joe waiting on another job and if he got a certain one I could possibly quit work (which, lets be honest I would much rather be at home then working, my dream has always been to be a stay-at-home mom). Well the good news is he got the manager position that we were really hoping that he would get. The bad news is they did not offer enough money for me to be able to quit. I would still have to work part time even with him working this new job. I was ok with that. A little bummed but part time is definetly much better than full time. So last Thursday I told my boss that I would be going part time, and let me tell you it felt fabulous. It felt liberating!
So why am I mourning you might ask? Friday (remember this is the day after I told my boss I would be part time) Joe found out he missed the time to sign up for benefits. I currently am the one who gets the benefits. There is no way that I can go to part time until January when his benefits will kick in. Now I have to go and tell my boss "Just kidding, you thought I was going part time and so did I BUT not so". Now I have to mentally prepare myself to be working this much until January. It is really hard. Especially since I was so excited to cut down on my hours. Oh well. I know that life could be worse. At least I have a job.
In my previous post I talked about Joe waiting on another job and if he got a certain one I could possibly quit work (which, lets be honest I would much rather be at home then working, my dream has always been to be a stay-at-home mom). Well the good news is he got the manager position that we were really hoping that he would get. The bad news is they did not offer enough money for me to be able to quit. I would still have to work part time even with him working this new job. I was ok with that. A little bummed but part time is definetly much better than full time. So last Thursday I told my boss that I would be going part time, and let me tell you it felt fabulous. It felt liberating!
So why am I mourning you might ask? Friday (remember this is the day after I told my boss I would be part time) Joe found out he missed the time to sign up for benefits. I currently am the one who gets the benefits. There is no way that I can go to part time until January when his benefits will kick in. Now I have to go and tell my boss "Just kidding, you thought I was going part time and so did I BUT not so". Now I have to mentally prepare myself to be working this much until January. It is really hard. Especially since I was so excited to cut down on my hours. Oh well. I know that life could be worse. At least I have a job.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Waiting
If anyone knows me, they should probably know that I am the most impatient person in the world. Patience is a virtue that I do not hold, nor do I ever have hope of acquiring.
Heck, I'm so impatient that when Joe and I were dating I had told him that he had to propose to me by a certain date. When I want something, I do not want to wait. But we all know that that is not the way that life rolls. There are so many times when we have to wait for what we want. We are told that it builds character. Well screw character. I don't want to wait.
You might wonder what I am waiting for....well, a lot. For starters, Joe and I are buying a house!!! Yay! I guess I should clarify we are buying a townhome. But it is still better than living in an apartment. We are moving to Daybreak and I can't be more excited. From the first time that I visited the Daybreak community I fell in love. I knew that if Utah was going to be our home that is where I wanted to live. It is being built right now and was supposed to be ready Aug 1. Since the house isn't even framed yet there is no way that it will be ready in Aug. We are really hoping it will be ready before Sept 21 when our lease runs out. I want to be out of our apartment NOW, I want to have a place that I can truly make our home and feel settled.
That isn't even the thing I'm anticipating the most. The thing that has me in a tizzy is Joe's job. In order to really explain this I feel I need to give some background. We have always thought that Joe would go to grad school. In order for him to do that there are things that he needs to do to get into grad school. In order for that to happen I needed to find a job that paid a lot more and I would work 40 hours a week to be the main provider for the family. Back in Feb I started looking for jobs. Since then I have had 2 job interviews. Yes, only 2 and both times I felt awful and that neither was the job for me. A little over a month ago this got us thinking and wondering if perhaps this was not the avenue for our family. Maybe I needed to stay home and we put off grad school. Once we made that decision we both felt so good. We know that at this time I need to be spending more time at home with the kids and with Joe.
In order for this to happen Joe needs to get paid a little more in his job. He had a couple of job leads within his company. One is a senior analyst and another is a manager. He has already been offered the analyst position and with that one I can go part time. However, if he gets the manager position there is a posibility of me being able to quit my job all together (can I get a What, What!!) Joe has been through 4 interviews for the manager position. On Friday June 28 they told him that they would tell him if he got the job or not the next week. Well on Tuesday July 2 the head recruiter told him that she was going out of town and would be back on Monday and he would not get an answer until Monday July 8. Yesterday, (Monday the 8th) Joe talked to the recruiter and she told him he would find out either by that night or at latest today. Well, it is almost 5pm and we still haven't heard anything. WHAT THE HECK!!!! If he isn't going to get the job, just let us know. I am sick of being strung along right now. If he is getting the job, I don't understand why they can't tell him. I'm so sick of waiting, I just want to know. I want to be able to move on. For someone who has VERY little patience this is driving me CRAZY.
Quite franckly I think Joe is sick of hearing me talk/nag him about when we are going to find out. I don't know how to just let things go and not get uptight about it. So I am stuck, and I am driving my husband crazy in the process. One day we will have an answer, hopefully tomorrow, but I shouldn't count on it. Until then, I will just keep waiting............
Heck, I'm so impatient that when Joe and I were dating I had told him that he had to propose to me by a certain date. When I want something, I do not want to wait. But we all know that that is not the way that life rolls. There are so many times when we have to wait for what we want. We are told that it builds character. Well screw character. I don't want to wait.
You might wonder what I am waiting for....well, a lot. For starters, Joe and I are buying a house!!! Yay! I guess I should clarify we are buying a townhome. But it is still better than living in an apartment. We are moving to Daybreak and I can't be more excited. From the first time that I visited the Daybreak community I fell in love. I knew that if Utah was going to be our home that is where I wanted to live. It is being built right now and was supposed to be ready Aug 1. Since the house isn't even framed yet there is no way that it will be ready in Aug. We are really hoping it will be ready before Sept 21 when our lease runs out. I want to be out of our apartment NOW, I want to have a place that I can truly make our home and feel settled.
That isn't even the thing I'm anticipating the most. The thing that has me in a tizzy is Joe's job. In order to really explain this I feel I need to give some background. We have always thought that Joe would go to grad school. In order for him to do that there are things that he needs to do to get into grad school. In order for that to happen I needed to find a job that paid a lot more and I would work 40 hours a week to be the main provider for the family. Back in Feb I started looking for jobs. Since then I have had 2 job interviews. Yes, only 2 and both times I felt awful and that neither was the job for me. A little over a month ago this got us thinking and wondering if perhaps this was not the avenue for our family. Maybe I needed to stay home and we put off grad school. Once we made that decision we both felt so good. We know that at this time I need to be spending more time at home with the kids and with Joe.
In order for this to happen Joe needs to get paid a little more in his job. He had a couple of job leads within his company. One is a senior analyst and another is a manager. He has already been offered the analyst position and with that one I can go part time. However, if he gets the manager position there is a posibility of me being able to quit my job all together (can I get a What, What!!) Joe has been through 4 interviews for the manager position. On Friday June 28 they told him that they would tell him if he got the job or not the next week. Well on Tuesday July 2 the head recruiter told him that she was going out of town and would be back on Monday and he would not get an answer until Monday July 8. Yesterday, (Monday the 8th) Joe talked to the recruiter and she told him he would find out either by that night or at latest today. Well, it is almost 5pm and we still haven't heard anything. WHAT THE HECK!!!! If he isn't going to get the job, just let us know. I am sick of being strung along right now. If he is getting the job, I don't understand why they can't tell him. I'm so sick of waiting, I just want to know. I want to be able to move on. For someone who has VERY little patience this is driving me CRAZY.
Quite franckly I think Joe is sick of hearing me talk/nag him about when we are going to find out. I don't know how to just let things go and not get uptight about it. So I am stuck, and I am driving my husband crazy in the process. One day we will have an answer, hopefully tomorrow, but I shouldn't count on it. Until then, I will just keep waiting............
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Burdens
I work at Huntsman Cancer Hospital in the ICU. I am not a nurse. I am what is called the Health Unit Coordinator. Even though I don't work directly with patients I see them every day, I hear their stories. There are a lot of deaths here at work. Most of the time I am able to stay disconnected, but not today.
I came into work to find out that not even an hour after a patient was admitted, she died. She was in her mid thirties. She had been here before and I recognized her husband. She was traveling from a ways away and was coming into the hospital today to get chemo. Instead a routine visit turned into her last day of life. Cancer sucks. What really got me was when her family was finally able to get here (hours after her passing), she had young children. As they were leaving her son probably about 4 or 5 said to his dad "we were just saying bye-bye to mommy". I must admit I started crying. No young child should be saying good-bye to their mommy. I thought of my own children, I thought of Joe. I thought, what if that was my family. How can a father explain to young children that mommy has just died?
My heart aches for this family that I don't know. I pray that the father will have strength to bear this burden. I pray that those children will know that their mommy loves them. I know this because I know of the love that I have for my children.
We all have burdens. Mine are different from yours but we each have something that makes our heart heavy. I don't understand why some have to bear certain burdens but I am comforted in my knowledge of our Savior. I know he lived and died for us. I know that without him there would be no hope.
(This doesn't even show what I am truly feeling but I had to write something right now, while I am feeling it. My emotions needed to be written.)
I came into work to find out that not even an hour after a patient was admitted, she died. She was in her mid thirties. She had been here before and I recognized her husband. She was traveling from a ways away and was coming into the hospital today to get chemo. Instead a routine visit turned into her last day of life. Cancer sucks. What really got me was when her family was finally able to get here (hours after her passing), she had young children. As they were leaving her son probably about 4 or 5 said to his dad "we were just saying bye-bye to mommy". I must admit I started crying. No young child should be saying good-bye to their mommy. I thought of my own children, I thought of Joe. I thought, what if that was my family. How can a father explain to young children that mommy has just died?
My heart aches for this family that I don't know. I pray that the father will have strength to bear this burden. I pray that those children will know that their mommy loves them. I know this because I know of the love that I have for my children.
We all have burdens. Mine are different from yours but we each have something that makes our heart heavy. I don't understand why some have to bear certain burdens but I am comforted in my knowledge of our Savior. I know he lived and died for us. I know that without him there would be no hope.
(This doesn't even show what I am truly feeling but I had to write something right now, while I am feeling it. My emotions needed to be written.)
Monday, May 20, 2013
I have a blog post in the works but it is taking a little bit longer to write. It is something that I need to make sure is written well and I can't just do that on a whim. To hold us all over, I am going to post some pictures that Adrianna has taken for me.
I love this picture of Joe and Owen! They are both so handsome.
Cutest little pigtails ever! This is a fairly decent family picture. It is nice to get those, especially as the kids are growing up so fast. I love Owen with his baseball bat, I think he has a future! At least he already knows how to pose with the bat.
Grandpa Keyes loves to take the kids to the dollar store. This is from my birthday and Owen is checking out his options.
I just love Kenzie's smile. I truly am so lucky to be blessed with these two beautiful children.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Joe= Awesome!
My last two posts were about my beautiful children. It only feels fitting to make this post about my wonderful husband. I feel that I often nag and don't give him the credit that he deserves. I tell him, I want him done with school, I'm sick of waiting for him to figure out getting into a master's program, we need to lose weight, we shouldn't be so hard on the kids, blah, blah, blah. Enough already! He needs to know that I apprecieate him.
Here is a short list of why my husband is wonderful:
* About once a month (sometimes more) he will bring dinner to me while I am working. He is so awesome to take the time out to do that so that we can see each other.
* He cleans the house more than I do!
* He is a great cook, he makes some great fajitas.
* He pays all of our bills (before we got married I told him that I am awful at paying bills and he has followed through and made sure to get those all paid on time).
* He folds the laundry. I hate folding laundry and he will do it for me.
* The other night I was making dinner and he asked me if the kids had had a bath that day. I told him no and the next thing I know he has both the kids in the bath.
* He gets up in the middle of the night with the kids even though he has to be at work by 6:30.
* Every night Joe lays with Owen so Owen can fall asleep (for some reason Owen will not fall asleep without someone laying with him. Probably a bad habit, or he is really afraid of something but hasn't told us what it is yet).
* Joe is very patient
* He teaches me math and he knows that I expect him to teach the children math (I really struggle with math).
* He will rub my back even if he has had a hard day and needs it more, he will still do it for me.
* Joe gets the kids ready for church. When Owen has nice combed hair, it's because Joe got him ready, not me.
* Every night Joe makes sure that he prays with the kids and reads scriptures to them.
* While working and being a husband and father he was able to get his bachelor's degree in Psychology. He still plans on getting a master's degree.
*He goes along with many of my crazy ideas and doesn't complain.
*Joe spoils me.
* Joe knows that one of my biggest dreams is to own a house. He is making that possible this year. We are buying a townhome in Daybreak, UT. I'm beyond ecstatic!
* Along the same lines of the comment above, Joe knows what my hopes a dreams are and he has helped fulfill many of them. He knows the secrets of my heart.
* Joe lifts me up when I am down. He loves me like no one has ever loved me before.
These aren't the only reasons why he is wonderful, but they will do for now.
Here is a short list of why my husband is wonderful:
* About once a month (sometimes more) he will bring dinner to me while I am working. He is so awesome to take the time out to do that so that we can see each other.
* He cleans the house more than I do!
* He is a great cook, he makes some great fajitas.
* He pays all of our bills (before we got married I told him that I am awful at paying bills and he has followed through and made sure to get those all paid on time).
* He folds the laundry. I hate folding laundry and he will do it for me.
* The other night I was making dinner and he asked me if the kids had had a bath that day. I told him no and the next thing I know he has both the kids in the bath.
* He gets up in the middle of the night with the kids even though he has to be at work by 6:30.
* Every night Joe lays with Owen so Owen can fall asleep (for some reason Owen will not fall asleep without someone laying with him. Probably a bad habit, or he is really afraid of something but hasn't told us what it is yet).
* Joe is very patient
* He teaches me math and he knows that I expect him to teach the children math (I really struggle with math).
* He will rub my back even if he has had a hard day and needs it more, he will still do it for me.
* Joe gets the kids ready for church. When Owen has nice combed hair, it's because Joe got him ready, not me.
* Every night Joe makes sure that he prays with the kids and reads scriptures to them.
* While working and being a husband and father he was able to get his bachelor's degree in Psychology. He still plans on getting a master's degree.
*He goes along with many of my crazy ideas and doesn't complain.
*Joe spoils me.
* Joe knows that one of my biggest dreams is to own a house. He is making that possible this year. We are buying a townhome in Daybreak, UT. I'm beyond ecstatic!
* Along the same lines of the comment above, Joe knows what my hopes a dreams are and he has helped fulfill many of them. He knows the secrets of my heart.
* Joe lifts me up when I am down. He loves me like no one has ever loved me before.
These aren't the only reasons why he is wonderful, but they will do for now.
Friday, April 19, 2013
In the mean time...
I know I haven't posted in a while. To be honest I'm just not in a writing mood lately. I have a lot of ideas swimming around in my head with what I want to write about, but I need to work on a way that I can present them in an appropriate fashion. So in the mean time here are some pictures that I have taken on my phone in the past month.
Kenzie is now eating solids. She likes the fruit a lot better than the vegetables. This is the complete opposite from Owen. In fact Owen just barely started eating apples and I'm so excited.
This was the picture that I sent to my brother for his birthday. I love my brother Drew so much. I know that he loves the kids and I know they love him (even though they don't get to see him often). This was the only picture that wasn't blurry and you could read the happy birthday. I think it is cute how Owen is looking at Kenzie. He adores her so much! I am so lucky to have a son that loves his sister.
Don't you think Kenzie is a doll with her hair in a pony tail?! I love that it is starting to get long enough for me to put it up. She hates me doing her hair, but I still do it. I just need to learn to be fast.
We are trying to teach Owen to potty train. It is not successful one bit. I hope that one day he will want to go in the potty instead of just sitting there. In 15 years he is going to be so mad at me for sharing this but it is too cute not to.
I think I have been depressed lately. I feel like even though there are happy things going on in my life I seem to only see the negative. I don't want to be working anymore and that will not end for a couple years. It is so hard to be patient and happy in being a working mom when I really just want to stay at home. I feel like when I try to motivate Joe to be more proactive in getting into a masters program it just makes him mad at me for bringing it up. Because of that I then let myself get into a downward spiral by thinking that we will be in this situation for the rest of our lives. Being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel is really hard for me.
There you have it, probably the main truth as to why I haven't written.
However one happy thing is that we ordered a double stroller/bike trailer. It came yesterday! We went on a walk yesterday and today I went on a walk/run. I have not ran since before I was pregnant with Owen. It was hard but felt fabulous. I hope I can motivate myself to exersize since I really need to lose weight.
I think I have been depressed lately. I feel like even though there are happy things going on in my life I seem to only see the negative. I don't want to be working anymore and that will not end for a couple years. It is so hard to be patient and happy in being a working mom when I really just want to stay at home. I feel like when I try to motivate Joe to be more proactive in getting into a masters program it just makes him mad at me for bringing it up. Because of that I then let myself get into a downward spiral by thinking that we will be in this situation for the rest of our lives. Being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel is really hard for me.
There you have it, probably the main truth as to why I haven't written.
However one happy thing is that we ordered a double stroller/bike trailer. It came yesterday! We went on a walk yesterday and today I went on a walk/run. I have not ran since before I was pregnant with Owen. It was hard but felt fabulous. I hope I can motivate myself to exersize since I really need to lose weight.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
McKenzie
Okay, I said that my next post would be the birth story for Kenzie. So like I said with my post about Owen, this is more for me so that I have it documented. I don't expect anyone to really pay attention.
Because Owen was so big we automatically knew that I would have another C-section and my Dr decided to schedule it at almost 38 weeks. This was a big deal because my Dr said that he never does a scheduled c-section before 38 weeks but he felt with my situation it was just fine to schedule it earlier rather than later. Throughout my pregnancy I felt that I had low blood pressure. Whenever I would go in for appointments I was in the low 100's over 60's but often when I would stand up or be on my feet for a while I would get very dizzy and light headed. Of course that never happened when I was in for an appointment to verify but I'm quite certain it was low. There were a couple times I felt close to passing out but if I just sat down I would be ok.
My c-section was scheduled for Friday August 10 and the Friday before I felt that my braxton hicks were getting really bad. They were really close together but every time I would change positions it would stop. I just assumed it was the braxton hicks or false labor. Quite honestly from the things that I read it was describing false labor and I never was in labor with Owen so I really didn't know what to expect. I went to my appointment on Monday morning and told my Dr what was happening but brushed it off saying it was false labor. He asked if I wanted him to check my cervix and I told him no since I felt certain it was false labor and I didn't want to since that is uncomfortable and awkward (I now regret that decision). I worked Monday night from 3pm-1130pm. I was in a lot of pain, very uncomfortable and could hardly stand for more than 5 minutes before feeling like I would pass out. I went home exhausted but knew that the next day was going to be busy. I had hardly seen Owen and I would get to spend a little one-on-one time with him and I wanted to pack my hospital bag.
The next morning Joe left for work and kissed me goodbye at about 630. I immediately fell back asleep. The next thing I knew I felt a gush of water. My first thought was "oh great I just peed the bed, how embarassing". Then I moved to go to the bathroom and there was another huge gush. At this point I knew my water just broke. I looked at my phone and saw that it was only 645. I called Joe (side note his first thought when he saw me calling was "did I forget to take out Owen's carseat again" since he had done that the day before). Apparantly he whipped his car around, called his work and came speeding home to get me. In the mean time I had ran to the bathroom to try to clean up but could not think clearly. All I could think was I want my mom. I tried calling her at home and then her cell and then my dad's cell multiple times and no one answered. I finally called my brother to have him get a hold of my parents when he reminded me that they were at some training. I finally realized that I should call my in-laws to come be with Owen since he was still asleep. Luckily, Joe had already done that. Joe got home, gave me a kiss and tenderly asked me how I was feeling referring to me being in pain. Honestly with it being a whirlwind to get me cleaned up and ready I hadn't even thought of pain and looked at him and said, "I'm fine and not really in pain". A minute later his dad was at our house and we were off to the hospital. I was in awe that I had actually gone in labor. I was not ready! Our camera wasn't even charged for crying out loud! I guess that was the problem with having this scheduled, I didn't have everything ready.
We got to the hospital by 730 and they put me in one of the OB emergency rooms. I was feeling great, a little nervous but not bad. It went so well with Owen that I wasn't nervous about the c-section this time. They got me hooked up to the monitors and asked if I wanted to try and labor on my own. I told them that my babies are too big, I'm not a good candidate for a VBAC and I just wanted to do a c-section (once again, wished I would have had them check me but I didn't-I would have liked to know how far progressed I was). Aparantly, it was a really busy day for them and they already had a lot of scheduled c-sections so they told me that it would be a couple hours. I was fine with that, because I was feeling fine. The aide was in my room and I asked her if it was ok if I went to the bathroom to have a bowel movement. She asked me if I was only feeling that during contractions or all the time. I said, I don't know let me check. I sat there for about 30 seconds, had a contraction and said yup now I have to poo. She looked at me, said don't go to the bathroom, that is the baby bearing down on you. She left the room and about 5 minutes later (or less) the nurse came in the room and said you are going to the OR now (I later found out that Kenzie's heart rate was also dropping during contractions). They wheeled me to a different room, started an IV and while doing this the anesthesia team came to me and had me sign consent forms. About 20 minutes later they took me to the OR room and tried to start the spinal on me. It took them a really long time to get that- I think it was about 4 or 5 tries. They would stick it in and then I could feel them moving the needle around in my back....not pleasant. They got me all ready and Joe wasn't there. Everyone kept asking where Joe was. I guess he was all dressed and ready to go but no one had come to get him and they forgot to give him the booties and cap and they had to go find those. By the time he got there they started immediately. They pulled Kenzie out and she had a very strong cry. Something neat with her was that the Dr (who wasn't my normal Dr) showed her to me over the drape which I didn't get with Owen. Joe went with Kenzie to the nursery while I was getting stitched up. As I was lying there I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up at the same time. It took a huge effort for me to roll my head to the other side to look at my blood pressure. I saw it in the low 80's over 40's, then 79/38 and then 77/34. At this point I was willing myself not to pass out. I called to the anesthesiologist and said to him "do you see my blood pressure?" Of course I would have the audacity to point that out to a Dr. He pointed to the medicine he was pulling up and said I'm getting something right now.
Because of me Kenzie's blood sugars were REALLY low so she could not be with me for the first 3 days. She had to have an IV in her head (so sad) and was hooked up to a drip that was giving her sugar. Every three hours I would walk to the nursery and stay there for an hour, get about an hour and a half of sleep then do it all over again. The first night I probably shouldn't have been walking by myself, especially with a fall risk band on my wrist, but I just pretended every thing was fine even though I was pretty wobbly on my feet. Recovery for this c-section was a lot harder. I think me being in the hospital scared Owen because he never even wanted to be by me when someone would bring him to me. Someone charted some information incorrectly so there was this drama of them thinking Kenzie was losing too much weight. At first I thought I was going to go home without her but we were able to go home together on Saturday. This time around was very lonely during the day since Joe was at home taking care of Owen. I would stay in the nursery as long as possible and would go back to my room and try to get rest but it wouldn't really happen.
McKenzie Jane Keyes 08/07/2012, 9lbs 14oz, 20.5 inches long. If I had known she was under 10lbs I would have tried to do a VBAC, oh well live and learn. I think I had been in labor since about Friday until my water broke on Tuesday.
In this picture she looks a lot like Owen did when he was first born. When I first held her, I thought "oh no, my baby girl looks like a grumpy old man because that's exactly what Owen looked like." Don't worry within a couple hours I was able to see how beautiful she is and she's not a grumpy old man.
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Adrianna is holding Kenzie and Owen is seeing Kenzie for the first time through the glass.
Because Owen was so big we automatically knew that I would have another C-section and my Dr decided to schedule it at almost 38 weeks. This was a big deal because my Dr said that he never does a scheduled c-section before 38 weeks but he felt with my situation it was just fine to schedule it earlier rather than later. Throughout my pregnancy I felt that I had low blood pressure. Whenever I would go in for appointments I was in the low 100's over 60's but often when I would stand up or be on my feet for a while I would get very dizzy and light headed. Of course that never happened when I was in for an appointment to verify but I'm quite certain it was low. There were a couple times I felt close to passing out but if I just sat down I would be ok.
My c-section was scheduled for Friday August 10 and the Friday before I felt that my braxton hicks were getting really bad. They were really close together but every time I would change positions it would stop. I just assumed it was the braxton hicks or false labor. Quite honestly from the things that I read it was describing false labor and I never was in labor with Owen so I really didn't know what to expect. I went to my appointment on Monday morning and told my Dr what was happening but brushed it off saying it was false labor. He asked if I wanted him to check my cervix and I told him no since I felt certain it was false labor and I didn't want to since that is uncomfortable and awkward (I now regret that decision). I worked Monday night from 3pm-1130pm. I was in a lot of pain, very uncomfortable and could hardly stand for more than 5 minutes before feeling like I would pass out. I went home exhausted but knew that the next day was going to be busy. I had hardly seen Owen and I would get to spend a little one-on-one time with him and I wanted to pack my hospital bag.
The next morning Joe left for work and kissed me goodbye at about 630. I immediately fell back asleep. The next thing I knew I felt a gush of water. My first thought was "oh great I just peed the bed, how embarassing". Then I moved to go to the bathroom and there was another huge gush. At this point I knew my water just broke. I looked at my phone and saw that it was only 645. I called Joe (side note his first thought when he saw me calling was "did I forget to take out Owen's carseat again" since he had done that the day before). Apparantly he whipped his car around, called his work and came speeding home to get me. In the mean time I had ran to the bathroom to try to clean up but could not think clearly. All I could think was I want my mom. I tried calling her at home and then her cell and then my dad's cell multiple times and no one answered. I finally called my brother to have him get a hold of my parents when he reminded me that they were at some training. I finally realized that I should call my in-laws to come be with Owen since he was still asleep. Luckily, Joe had already done that. Joe got home, gave me a kiss and tenderly asked me how I was feeling referring to me being in pain. Honestly with it being a whirlwind to get me cleaned up and ready I hadn't even thought of pain and looked at him and said, "I'm fine and not really in pain". A minute later his dad was at our house and we were off to the hospital. I was in awe that I had actually gone in labor. I was not ready! Our camera wasn't even charged for crying out loud! I guess that was the problem with having this scheduled, I didn't have everything ready.
We got to the hospital by 730 and they put me in one of the OB emergency rooms. I was feeling great, a little nervous but not bad. It went so well with Owen that I wasn't nervous about the c-section this time. They got me hooked up to the monitors and asked if I wanted to try and labor on my own. I told them that my babies are too big, I'm not a good candidate for a VBAC and I just wanted to do a c-section (once again, wished I would have had them check me but I didn't-I would have liked to know how far progressed I was). Aparantly, it was a really busy day for them and they already had a lot of scheduled c-sections so they told me that it would be a couple hours. I was fine with that, because I was feeling fine. The aide was in my room and I asked her if it was ok if I went to the bathroom to have a bowel movement. She asked me if I was only feeling that during contractions or all the time. I said, I don't know let me check. I sat there for about 30 seconds, had a contraction and said yup now I have to poo. She looked at me, said don't go to the bathroom, that is the baby bearing down on you. She left the room and about 5 minutes later (or less) the nurse came in the room and said you are going to the OR now (I later found out that Kenzie's heart rate was also dropping during contractions). They wheeled me to a different room, started an IV and while doing this the anesthesia team came to me and had me sign consent forms. About 20 minutes later they took me to the OR room and tried to start the spinal on me. It took them a really long time to get that- I think it was about 4 or 5 tries. They would stick it in and then I could feel them moving the needle around in my back....not pleasant. They got me all ready and Joe wasn't there. Everyone kept asking where Joe was. I guess he was all dressed and ready to go but no one had come to get him and they forgot to give him the booties and cap and they had to go find those. By the time he got there they started immediately. They pulled Kenzie out and she had a very strong cry. Something neat with her was that the Dr (who wasn't my normal Dr) showed her to me over the drape which I didn't get with Owen. Joe went with Kenzie to the nursery while I was getting stitched up. As I was lying there I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up at the same time. It took a huge effort for me to roll my head to the other side to look at my blood pressure. I saw it in the low 80's over 40's, then 79/38 and then 77/34. At this point I was willing myself not to pass out. I called to the anesthesiologist and said to him "do you see my blood pressure?" Of course I would have the audacity to point that out to a Dr. He pointed to the medicine he was pulling up and said I'm getting something right now.
Because of me Kenzie's blood sugars were REALLY low so she could not be with me for the first 3 days. She had to have an IV in her head (so sad) and was hooked up to a drip that was giving her sugar. Every three hours I would walk to the nursery and stay there for an hour, get about an hour and a half of sleep then do it all over again. The first night I probably shouldn't have been walking by myself, especially with a fall risk band on my wrist, but I just pretended every thing was fine even though I was pretty wobbly on my feet. Recovery for this c-section was a lot harder. I think me being in the hospital scared Owen because he never even wanted to be by me when someone would bring him to me. Someone charted some information incorrectly so there was this drama of them thinking Kenzie was losing too much weight. At first I thought I was going to go home without her but we were able to go home together on Saturday. This time around was very lonely during the day since Joe was at home taking care of Owen. I would stay in the nursery as long as possible and would go back to my room and try to get rest but it wouldn't really happen.
McKenzie Jane Keyes 08/07/2012, 9lbs 14oz, 20.5 inches long. If I had known she was under 10lbs I would have tried to do a VBAC, oh well live and learn. I think I had been in labor since about Friday until my water broke on Tuesday.
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