Thoughts

I feel like I have so many thoughts, emotions and feelings floating around in my head right now.  I feel grateful, overwhelmed, guilty, frustrated, blessed and happy.  How can I feel so many things all at once?  Perhaps, I'm not the only one that feels all of these things on a daily basis.   Do other people feel the same way?

The past two weeks we have been potty training Owen.  Unfortunately, Owen is one that is as happy as can be in diapers.  He doesn't care if he is carrying a load of poop around in his pants.  I must admit perhaps I pushed him into it.  I was sick of buying diapers for 2 kids.  I was sick of spending money on diapers that hardly had any in a box and were super expensive.  Everyone says boys are older when they potty train but I guess I was sick of talking to my friends (or seeing facebook friends) who have kids Owen's age or younger (by a year) and how their kids were potty trained and had been for months.  I guess the kicker for me was when my mom told me my brother was potty training my niece who is over a year younger than Owen and no one wanted to tell me.  For some reason that really bothered me that no one wanted me know that she was wanting to be potty trained.  I think if they would have just told me I would have been slightly jealous but happy for them.  But no.  They all wanted to tip toe around me.  I was bugged.  I guess I have issues.  So I decided whether Owen wanted it or not he WAS going to be potty trained.  I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but I guess that is a great talent that I possess.

The first couple days were awful.  He would pee or poop his pants and I would find out because I either stepped in a puddle or could smell it.  Ewww, gross.  He really struggled telling me when he needed to go potty.  Sometimes I wish Owen wasn't so stubborn, but it is also something that is endearing and is a core part of who he is.  I was also frustrated because he would go for everyone else but me.  We had times where we just hung out in the bathroom for half an hour......and nothing.  However, luckily for all of us after about 4 days it seemed to click and he is doing fantastic when it comes to peeing in the toilet.  However...poop is a whole other story.  Usually I know that Owen has pooped his pants when he announces "I'm hiding!"

Yesterday, Owen had poop all in his pants and running down his legs.  I put him in the bathtub to take off his clothes and wash him off.  It didn't go down the drain.  I had to pick it up with my hands and put it in the toilet.  Everything had poop on it.  It was rancid.  I was grossed out, I was gagging and I was mad.  I wanted him to understand that this isn't ok and I was not so nice.  Do I feel guilty, of course!  Do I wish that I acted better and didn't raise my voice.  You bet ya.  This moment probably is one of my top 5 worst ways to react as a parent.  Hopefully things will get better.  I'm so grateful that Owen is forgiving and still loves me.  I'm grateful that we all get second chances (maybe I should say third, fourth, and so forth chances). 

On Monday night (or technically Tuesday morning) Owen woke up throwing up.  This is the first time that he has ever been that kind of sick.  It broke my heart.  Owen is a daddy's boy through and through.  It melted my heart when he wanted me and not daddy.  Yes, I soaked it in.  Tuesday Owen and I watched movies and cuddled all day.  Let me repeat this....OWEN CUDDLED WITH ME and liked it.  I was in mommy heaven.  Yes, my heart ached for my sick little boy but I loved being the one he wanted.  Later that night things were back to normal and he was asking for daddy.  Hey, I'll take what I can get.  So grateful it was only 24 hours- the sickness, not the cuddling. 

Now our next hurdle with Owen is to get him to fall asleep by himself.  And to not come wake us up in the middle of the night to come lay down with him.  For some reason he is scared.  Of what, I do not know.  We will one day get it that Joe and I spend the whole night in our bed together.  But this is for another day and another time. 

Kenzie is my sweet little girl but boy does she have some spice!  For some reason she has become a picky eater.  All she wants is bread.  I can usually get a little bit of banana in her and yogurt.  I have resorted to making smoothies so that she can have hidden veggies.  But that is hit and miss too.  It is so hard because she won't eat baby food, but she gags on a lot of other food.  Those teeth are just slow coming in.  Also the kicker is she refuses to eat from me.  If I give the spoon that I am offering her (that she just refused) to Owen and have him feed her, she will gobble it all up.  I try to feed her, she refuses and I hand the spoon to Joe and she eats. Maybe she is practicing her independence.  She really wants to feed herself but she just can't spoon feed yogurt and frozen smoothies quite yet.  We go to the doctor in a week and a half, we'll see what he says.

Sometimes Kenzie bites.  Where the heck did she learn that?!  One time she bit me and I scolded her.  She burst into tears.  It broke my heart-until I remembered the bite mark on my leg.  She gets Owen in trouble.  A LOT.  I'm starting to catch on to her.  I used to always think Owen did something to her when she would start crying.  Not just crying, but major instant tears and a big wail.  Until one day I watched what happened.  She tried to take something from Owen and he wouldn't let her have it.  She came to me mad and crying.  How I adore Kenzie, but I need to watch out for her.  She already has me wrapped around her fingers.  Both my kids do.           

What a week

Sorry for all that are hoping for pictures from Halloween, you aren't going to get it.  I was at work.  BOO!  But I am grateful for a job that allows me to help provide for my family.  On Wednesday on my way to work my car broke down about 3 minutes away from work.  I was mad.  I was so close and of course it just couldn't make it.  I hate being late to work and it always seems that I am running late and have to somehow make up the time.  A very nice man came and asked if I was ok and was going to help me get it out of the street.  Just then it started up again and I was able to get it to work.  Right as I pulled into the parking space it died again.  Joe came to my work (which is so out of the way for him) to check it out.  It would drive for about 5-10 minutes and then overheat and completely shutdown.  I was lucky to have a fantastic charge nurse let me go home early after I finished all my work duties.  Joe just waited for me to be done so that we could go get the kids and worry about the car the next day.  The next day I had to go back to work to be there when the car was towed.  I am so grateful for my friend Courtnee who was a lifesaver and met me at work to play with the kids while I got the car stuff worked out.  I picked up Joe from work, took the kids home, fed them and put them down for a nap and then I ran back to my work.  What a crazy day!  By the end of the next day we found out that it was about 2,000 dollars to repair (if not more, because I feel there were more problems).  Joe and I decided that we would cut our losses while we could and say no more to the Subaru.  It has been a good car up until this point but it is time to move on. 

Joe and I had the overwhelming task to find a new car/suv for me asap.  We prayed mightily to find a new car that would be good for our family.  One that was affordable, lower mileage and reliable.  The whole morning was so frustrating looking for a car and I felt overwhelmed and worried that we wouldn't find one.  at about 3:30 we went to a small used car dealership and I had the feeling that we would find our car there.  I was impressed with this place because I felt like we had options and it wouldn't have just been settling because we needed something.  Joe and I decided to get a 2001 Ford Expedition.  I didn't want a car that old but it only had 103,500 miles on it and was in incredible condition.  The car only had 1 previous owner and that owner was a mechanic.  While driving it, I was so impressed with how smooth of a ride it was, especially for how big it is!  The best part is it was a couple thousand below our max price and we even got it $800 lower than their asking price.  I am so excited.  Maybe I will get pictures.  But no guarantee.  I feel like because of all of that happening I am exhausted and a new week has already begun. 

Update

Well, it has been far too long.  You know it has been too long when Joe comments that I haven't updated my blog in a long time.  I didn't even realize that he checked if I ever posted! 

My last post was right before moving day a little over a month ago.  I love being in the new house!!!  It is fantastic.  However, I guess this shows how slow I am, or overwhelmed or what you want to call it but we still are living in some boxes.  To my credit both Joe and I are working full time and it is so hard to unpack with little kids around.  We have all been sick and I even got a little vacation time in the land of enchantment.  I know, I know...excuses, excuses.  Once it looks better I will post pictures.  Just know that it is beautiful and if you want to see it you are welcome to come visit! 

Owen's 3rd birthday is tomorrow!  I cannot believe how time has flown.  I still remember going in for the c-section, seeing him and holding him for the first time.  Life truly would just be empty without my wonderful children.  Owen is such a daddy's boy and Kenzie is a mommy's girl.  Because of that I always feel so blessed when Owen will show affection to me and vice versa for Joe and Kenzie.  Well today, as I was getting ready for work (I had about 15 minutes before we needed to leave) I heard Owen in his room yelling for me.  I went in his room and he had just woke up from his nap.  He looked and me and said "I want you to lay down with me".  I told him you can get up, it's ok.  No, he said, lay down.  So I obeyed.  It was one of those blissful moments where I thought to myself I have a lot to do and I need to get moving but I'm not missing out on this moment because I was so rushed.  I just might have sped a little on my way to work to make up the time. :)

I love my children.  I am so blessed.  The pictures I am posting are pictures Adrianna has taken.  In the move I have no idea where our camera is....but lets be honest I am a horrible picture taker and wouldn't take many anyway.  The only sad thing is that I didn't get any pictures of the balloon fiesta when I was in Albuquerque :(

I guess most of these are of Kenzie.  Sorry Owen!  The one of Owen is so classic.  I love that face, especially since that is how I used to smile in pictures. 

Hopefully I will get pictures from Owen's birthday and can show his handsome face.

Big day

The day has finally come!!!  Tomorrow is moving day!  I cannot believe that the day has finally arrived (ok not for another couple hours but you know I won’t be on the blog tomorrow).  Life has been so busy trying to get everything done.  We still have so much to do to finish it all up.  I think the kids are so excited to be in a place we can truly call home.  We went and did the walk-thru yesterday and they both seemed so happy walking around in the big open space of the house.  I will get pictures up when I can. 

Today we signed our life away.  Before we went to sign all the paperwork I thought that I would have a mild heart attack knowing how much money was being spent, ok more like it, is knowing how much we are putting ourselves in debt.  However, when we were in the office signing all the papers, I felt so calm!  I know that this is supposed to be our home and that we are doing the right thing.  I love getting confirmation like that. 

Sorry, so short.  I’m so tired…..so much to do.  Wish us luck!

More pictures

I wanted to add these pictures to that last post but my computer was being weird.

Kenzie turns one on Wednesday!!!  I can't believe it, it feels like yesterday she was born.  Time has flown by so fast.  We are going to be driving to Yellowstone on her birthday so Joe and I gave her an early birthday present (in the picures it is the little car thing she is on).  I need to give props to Joe he picked out the present while I was at work, I shouldn't claim credit, but he did a great job.  Owen has struggled with it being hers and not his.  Oh growing up.  Please excuse our mess in the pictures as you can tell we are getting ready to go camping.  My life would feel incomplete without these two amazing kids.  I love them so much.

Here are a couple pictures on took on my phone of the house.  They were taken a couple weeks ago so I can say the house is completely framed, they have put water in, working on electrical and heating, ventilation and A/C.  I am excited, but now this means I have to start packing.  There are joys to moving and there are unfortunate things to moving. 

The first picture shows that on this side of the house is the garage on the ground level, the next level is the kitchen/dining area and the big open area is where our balcony will be. The third level will be the kids rooms and bathroom.

The second and third pictures show the entry way on ground level, the family room on the second level and the third floor on this side is the master bedroom.  We are super excited.   

Picture overload

I figured I would add some pictures since it has been a long time.  Some I took (I took them on my phone, so you will know which ones I took) and others Adrianna took (I stole them from her blog). 

Kenzie has a little temper on her.  When something happens that she doesn't like it is immediate tears and she does this cute thing where she just kicks her legs when she is mad.  It cracks me up.

 

Owen has two ways to pose: kissy lips, which I DID NOT teach him and his hands in front of his face.  It is so cute.

In mourning

Okay, I must admit that title is very melodramatic compared to what I am in mourning about. 

In my previous post I talked about Joe waiting on another job and if he got a certain one I could possibly quit work (which, lets be honest I would much rather be at home then working, my dream has always been to be a stay-at-home mom).  Well the good news is he got the manager position that we were really hoping that he would get.  The bad news is they did not offer enough money for me to be able to quit.  I would still have to work part time even with him working this new job.  I was ok with that.  A little bummed but part time is definetly much better than full time.  So last Thursday I told my boss that I would be going part time, and let me tell you it felt fabulous.  It felt liberating!

So why am I mourning you might ask?  Friday (remember this is the day after I told my boss I would be part time) Joe found out he missed the time to sign up for benefits.  I currently am the one who gets the benefits.  There is no way that I can go to part time until January when his benefits will kick in.  Now I have to go and tell my boss "Just kidding, you thought I was going part time and so did I BUT not so".  Now I have to mentally prepare myself to be working this much until January.  It is really hard.  Especially since I was so excited to cut down on my hours.  Oh well.  I know that life could be worse.  At least I have a job.