I finally did it!

I have been contemplating starting a blog for a long time.  There have been many reasons why I have procrastinated this new adventure.  The first and foremost is this blog is not one that will have lots of pictures, it truly is the thoughts of me.  Perhaps this is my way of having a journal......but instead of it being private it is for the world to see.  Or it might be that this is a way for people to see the real me, the good, the bad and the ugly.  That can be daunting but it can be exciting.  Probably the real reason that I have not started a blog is pure laziness. 

I love seeing how other people share their lives through blogs, I love looking at pictures of the adventures that people share through something so simple as the internet.  That is not me.  I am not a photographer nor will I ever be.  I have no passion for that.  If I ever post pictures on here, guaranteed I did not take them.  Instead I am a bookworm at heart.  I dream of writing.  I would love to write a book, but I have no idea as to what I would write about.   So I will do the next best thing and start a blog.  :)

I have been thinking a lot about talents.  All my life I have felt that I am lacking in the talent area.  I am mediocre with a lot of things and I don't feel that there is one thing that I am fabulous at.  Now this is not to make anyone feel sorry for me, just my thoughts.  I must admit that I struggle with comparing myself to others.  I look around me and I see people so full of wonderful talents.  I see those that are artistic-photograhy, musical gifts, crafts, building things, sewing things, all you DIY-ers out there...you know who you are.  I see those that are so intellectual, math and science are a snap-perhaps not a snap but your brain can comprehend.  Those that can cook-I can follow a recipe but I burn things, I don't know what flavors go well together and I probably wouldn't last as a cook because I don't like cheese that much ( and I despise bleu cheese).  Dancers, need I say more.  I dream of being a break dancer or a hip-hop dancer, I would love it!

So I think, what am I good at?  I have asked my husband Joe many times.  One time I think he responded by saying I was kind.  Sometimes I am, and sometimes I am not.  Just the other day I was putting my 2 year old down for a nap.  I told him to be really quiet because my 7 month old was already asleep in their room.  Of course being an energetic little boy, quiet is not in his vocabulary.  Of course he woke his sister up and it made me mad.  I only had limited time to get ready for work (I work at a hospital from 3pm-11pm 4 days a week) and I lost my cool over a silly little stunt like that.  I clenched my fists and in an angry mom voice whispered "I'm so mad right now".  Then there are times that I can be fun.  I will put Owen on my back, make sure to tell him he holds on tight as it feels like he strangles me, pick up Kenzie and we dance to Pitch Perfect.  That is when I feel pure joy and feel like I am in my element.  I feel like 50% or less of the time I am on the path of being the happy mom that I really want to be and 50% or sometimes more I'm not that happy, patient caring mom and person that I want to be. 

Perhaps at this stage of life of working and trying to be a mom, wife and find time to know me it is ok to not be that perfect talented woman that dream of being.  Sometimes a successful day is a day that I can put in the past and know that I survived and I'm lucky to have another day to try and be better.  Being better from one day to the next is what I need to strive towards, not being perfect or super talented.  Finding joy in the little things is what really matters. 


Here is a picture of my sweet family, courtesy of my sister-in-law Adrianna.